Valentines Day Flowers are for Kids; True Love is in the Rubbish Bin



Valentines Day means never having to say, “you are SO IRREEEEEETATING.”

Or it should.

But the Chinese Missus felt the need to say that again the other day, for perhaps the 10,000th time since we’ve been married.

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Wheelies? Evel Knievel Had Nothing on Me and My Deluxe Renegade Stingray




The bike I got for Christmas when I was about 10 was a rocket.

I could pedal that sucker so fast that my feet were a blur.

It gave me enormous pleasure to outrun a high school kid’s Volkswagen, because I loved speed, and because it drove him crazy.

But it wasn’t enough to be a certified speed merchant, at least on Nebraska Street.

You also needed elevation.

And, for what seemed like an eternity, probably at least two weeks after getting my bike, I could not pop a wheelie.  Not even a little one.

That was as bad as being a girl and wearing a frilly dress, or so the older boys mocked.

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Junior Be Cruisin’ De World, Playing Dem Songs


Junior on keys for the Rat Pack.

Junior on keys for the Rat Pack.


Junior emailed me this morning that he would go ashore in Ecuador and Skype us in the afternoon.

Which was great, except that he didn’t say whether this would be HIS afternoon in Ecuador or OUR afternoon in New Zealand.

As it turns out, it was both — his 6 p.m. and our noon.   Win!

Except that wi-fi had not come to Ecuador.

Everything would have been just fine if he’d been in Peru, which is where I thought he was and which has wi-fi.

Who knew there was any difference between Ecuador and Peru?  I mean, they are both somewhere in South America. Or possibly Africa.

I’m not totally sure about that.

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Dez Bryant Should Have Grown Up on Nebraska Street



I still think Dez caught that ball in Green Bay.

And it was a great catch.

But, to be honest, we made better catches on Nebraska Street when I was growing up in Norman.

Dez only had to deal with one short defensive back.

We had to deal with cars and trucks, concrete and darkness, and angry mothers.

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Hubba Hubba — The Eyes Have It


eyes this one

You would not think a new pair of glasses would be that big a deal.

But you would be wrong.

I allowed the Chinese Fashionista Missus to choose my new specs, and she boldy went where I had never gone before.

Big, round and tortoise.

Comments on my Facebook page include:


“Great look.”





“Very distinguished.”

And my favorite of all…

“Hubba, hubba.”

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The Big Lady With Purple Hair

Yesterday, I was shopping in our version of Walmart when I saw her.

The first thing I noticed was her short, purple hair.

Then the “circus tent” dress, her 350-pound bulk, and the painfully swollen feet that were somehow stuffed into brightly colored Crocs.

I thought to myself, “I bet Mom would’ve loved this lady.”

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Top 10 Hogs Blogs For 2014!



How can you choose which of your children are your favorites, because you love them all?

Blogs are like that.

But here are my Top 10 Hogs Blogs for 2014, in no particular order, except the first one, which probably was my favorite.

1. My Grampa’s Hat 

Gramps looked especially cool when he was wearing his hat and tooling down Berry Road in his ’57 Chevy with the awesome fins.  Man, that car was to die for.

2. Wacker’s Beats Walmart All to Heck

The world was a better place when Wacker’s, not Walmart, was the place to buy cheap stuff.

3. Deranged Old Man Eyebrows

“You’ve been cutting your eyebrows again, haven’t you?” Says the Missus. In that tone that your Mother used to use.

So I man up and give my answer.  “No, I have not.”

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