A couple of Facebook comments this week made me homesick, and prompted this list of 10 Okie sentences you will NEVER hear in New Zealand.
1. You got ‘lectric at your house?
2. Hose him down and he’ll clean up all right.
3. There’s a reason Santa doesn’t come round during deer season.
4. I’ll load up the horses, you saddle the kids, and we’ll go down to Walmart.
5. Hold my beer, gimme the 12-gauge, and I’ll de-snakify it right quick.
6. I know it’s New Year’s Eve, and he doesn’t shave during the holidays, but if he thinks I’m going to kiss him with that sagebrush on his lip, he’s got another think coming.
7. Her turkey and dressing is so larapin good it makes you want to slap your Momma.
8. If Momma’s not happy, you can pretty much write-off the rest of the damn day.
9. Would you like me to get a rake and clean out your room, or would you like to get a rake and go clean out the barn? Because those are your options.
10. If Obama gets impeached, and somebody sticks a feather up his butt, we’ll both be tickled to death.
Happy New Year’s from this Okie Down Under.