10 reasons why America has turned the corner. While riding a Segway. Aimed at a cliff.

1. Sarah Palin has writed a book.

2. George Bush has ridden hiz owen book.

3. There is speculation that Sarah Palin or George Bush may actually RID a book.

4. The Texas Rangers won their division. In baseball. The Rangers.

5. American teenagers, e.g. tomorrow’s workforce, complain they can’t concentrate long enough to send a full tweet.

6. The White House chief of staff receives a dead Asian carp at his going away party, and it’s considered auspicious. (Better than getting a Segway?)

7. Bedbugs the size of Justin Bieber have become the pet of choice for New Yorkers.

8. Deep fried beer is the culinary delight of the Texas State Fair.

9. Paris Hilton is being given another reality TV show. Lawsy, lawsy, lawsy.

10. Terrorist girdle monkeys have their sights set on America.

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