It’s dark and rainy and crappy outside. What to do?
1) Watch “how to be a blog millionaire” videos on the internet until you want to nuke all internet Wunderkinds.
2) Use your Swiss Army knife to try and scrape off that bump rash thing behind your knee that will NOT go away, despite visits to the skin doctor and buckets of high-cost creams.
3) Go to Facebook. Keep clicking on friends’ friends’ until you find someone who is a friend of Brett Favre. If you do it in less than 20 clicks, you are a sick person.
4) Listen to the Dean the Stream radio interview and learn everything you ever wanted to know about the mentality of TV sportscasters. (Really, listen to it all.)
5) Google ‘Larry King ex-wives’, ponder why blondes are dumb as rope, and then understand all by reading this.
6) Entertain yourself by putting the names of former girlfriends into an internet anagram website until it kicks out ‘slut’ or another dirty word.
7) Brainstorm painful things to do to BP execs, starting with ‘A’ (annihilate arseholes) – bonus points for two words with the same letter — and ending with ‘Z’ (Zip them up in large oil spill bags and drop them into the ocean, still dressed in their $2,000 suits).
8) Google ‘Will Rogers Quotes‘ and try to hold your breath until one of them makes you smile. Then wonder how come you don’t know more about him, and how on earth he could be from Oklahoma.
9) Spend 5 minutes trying to think of ANY WAY POSSIBLE to make the American Idol final WORSE than it was this year. This is, of course, impossible, but a way to stimulate your brain that’s as effective as playing with a Rubik’s Cube or scraping your bump rash thing with a Swiss Army knife.
10) Start the clock. See how long you can go without touching your computer, cellphone/Blackberry, TV, IPod, stereo, or scratching your privates. If you can’t last 5 minutes acknowledge that your life REALLY NEEDS WORK.
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