There is nothing quite as fulfilling as when you are driving down I-35 and you hit a big ol’ June Bug. Or a whole bunch of them.
And those suckers go SPLAT, covering at least half your windshield. And always the half that you are looking out. Or that you were looking out. Until there were June Bug guts all over it.
But that was no problem, because you’d just hit your wipers washer button. And then you’d smear June Bug guts all over BOTH sides of your windshield.
Because you never remembered to put “debuggifying juice” into the windshield wiper reservoir. At best, the reservoir might have a few squirts of plain ol’ water, which is not especially good at actually “cutting through” June Bug guts.
What it normally does, when smeared around by crappy, old wiper blades that you changed maybe three or four summers ago, is ensure that you are driving completely blind.
But, this being Oklahoma, if no one is shooting at you, you could be reasonably confident that you were driving pretty much OK.
I was prompted to reminisce about Oklahoma June Bug guts, and the glorious SPLAT they made, when I was driving home from the mall today and my “windscreen” was hit by the weeniest flying insect ever.
I mean, this is New Zealand, home of Smaug the dragon and primordial forests. So you’d think that a good ol’ Kiwi bug would make a satisfying SMOOSH, hurling dragony bug guts all over the place.
But, nope. This bug’s guts didn’t even cover half an inch of glass. Or in Kiwi-speak, “hif in eench, or a see-em.”
But don’t start chanting “U.S.A, U.S.A.” because of the “bug gap” between big and mighty America and little ol’ New Zealand.
Because I will have you know that we have some serious stick insects down here, as witnessed by this photo taken recently from inside my car.
I stress the FROM INSIDE MY CAR bit because there was NO WAY I was going OUTSIDE with this sucker stuck to my window.
Being all like, “I am just a cute and environmentally friendly stick insect whose whole purpose in life is to help Mother Earth and star in children’s books published by Greenpeace.”
But I clearly remember my Mother forever warning me about putting somebody’s eye out with a stick. And, while she didn’t specifically say, “or a stick insect”, it was implied.
I would hate to think what would happen if you hit this stick insect at highway speeds. Carnage, mate. Whether you had the bug gut removal juice or not.
There would just be carnage.
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