Car Buying at 60-ish? Not Even Possible

I am now within spittin’ distance of the big 6-0 which, despite media lies, is NOT the new 40.

I have carefully monitored the physical changes that go along with aging — don’t ask — but only recently have I started to consider certain mental changes.

For example, I have been looking for a car for the better part of a year and simply cannot make a buying decision.

I have always been picky and cheap.

Even so, back in the old days, pre-2010, I could actually make a decision, and I bought many cars.

Back then, I would even, on rare occasions, visit a used car dealership, even though I hated them.

When Junior was about 12, I drove through one to look at prices.

A sleazy car salesman stood in front of my car and kept motioning for me to get out.

Smiling.

Like a raptor.

Car salesman raptor

I kept driving, very slowly. The raptor salesman kept backing up. Slowly. Eventually, he decided to step out of the way, because raptors need their knee caps.

Junior thought his Dad’s behavior was “not very Catholic”, to which Yoda-Dad lovingly replied, “it is not a sin to run over a raptor car salesman because they have no soul”.

I know.

Since then, I have avoided huge car dealerships like the plague.

Instead, every few years, I’d go to my mate’s small car yard.  It always had a few Japanese cars that were always exactly what I liked.

They looked okay, drove OK, and would cost me $2,000 a year or less. That means I could get five years driving for $8,000.

(OK, so I am not a math major.)

But times change. My mate has upscaled and no longer sells my kind of cheap-o cars.

Which explains why, for the past year, my television might have been on at night, but the Crack Puppy and I were using the laptop to look online for cars.

Key Word — Cheap-o

Although I don’t seem to be able to BUY a used car, I am very good at LOOKING for cars.

I have developed the Ultimate Cheap Car Key Word Strategy for searching on Trade Me, which is our online auction.

If you search for “daughters car” or “parents car” or “garaged” or “nana car”, you invariable come up with peaches.

Most of the time, the daughters are off to Australia, the parents have bought a new car, or nana has croaked.

All good for Mr. Cheap-o.

The problem is, the daughters’ cars tend to be just a bit too small and Gen X-ish. The parents’ cars are too gas-hoggy.  And Nana cars smell like old lady feet.

So I continue to catfish around, trying to bottom-feed on the Internet, looking for something tasty and cheap.

Last week, I thought I had found the perfect car!  Not for me, for the artistic, eccentric fashionista Missus.

It was a white version of this car. Is that retro cool or what?

bolero

Nissan March Bolero Special Edition

The young Chinese, lady owner was moving overseas.  It was only $2,000! Woo-hoo!

But the pre-purchase inspection showed heaps of problems, indicating the Missus would be Flintstoning it if I bought the cool little Nissan.

flintstone-car_1728691a

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So, here we go again. Back online.

Looking at 10 billion cars.

Strategically key wording.

And making NO BUYING DECISION.

Because ‘paralysis by analysis’ and the (looming) Big 6-0 seem to go hand in hand.

Arg.

 




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