A shock Gallup poll shows that Happy Feet, the Emperor Penguin who washed up on a New Zealand beach, has extended his lead over Obama 47-39%.
This despite “Happy Feet” not yet declaring his party affiliation or plans for the 2012 presidential campaign. And officials have yet to determine whether a penguin can legally run for office.
If Happy Feet runs on the GOP ticket, he would pull significant numbers from traditionally Democratic voter groups like the Greens, “Left” Coasters, and men who attend the Academy Awards.
Ironically, questions about whether Happy Feet is technically eligible to run for President are of little concern to voters.
“The whole birthers thing put off most Americans. They got used to the fact that Obama was born in Hawaii or Kenya or Iraq or somewhere, doesn’t matter. The same goes with Happy Feet. Whether he is from Antarctica or Arctica or Alaska, and whether he is a fish or a mammal, doesn’t matter. Conservative Americans like his attitude,” a Gallup spokesman said.
“When he washed up on Peka Peka beach in New Zealand, 1,800 miles from his polar home, he didn’t complain and start blaming people like a Democrat would. He just started eating sand and twigs, which is a very Republican thing to do.”
And, if as some Republican strategists are recommending, Happy Feet were paired with penis-cutter Catherine Kieu, the Dream Team GOP ticket would also attract a huge number of angry women voters and their scissors.
“Many American women are impressed with Catherine. They like the idea of taking a problem into your own two hands and dealing with it once and for all.”
(Sound of 150 million American men crossing their legs and looking pale).
If Happy Feet declares himself a GOP candidate in the next week, New Zealand Prime Minister John Key’s 22 July visit to Washington, D.C. will be scrubbed. “If the penguin declares, the Letterman show is off. He and Juan Keyes can go back to eating sand in New Zealand,” a White House spokesman said.
UPDATE: Perky Happy Feet to swim home to Antarctica. “I could beat Obama with one flipper tied behind my back, but I miss the hood.” http://bit.ly/oKajUe
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