Hellooooo Grown Up Musician Son, Let’s Talk Retail



Don’t mind my 26-year-old musician son as he grumpily digs through the mall trash bin.

He is not foraging for food, like many starving musicians.

He is looking for the plastic packaging that he shredded about 30 minutes ago to get to his new headphones.


Because we have just had the following Father-Son chat at the mall coffee shop, after Junior strolled up holding new headphones .

Dad: “Heh, I bought some of those headphones.  The look cool, but they really suck.”

Grumpy Son: “They so do!”

Dad: “Take them back. Just put them inside the packaging, and take them back.”

Grumpy Son: “I threw it away.”

Dad: <Rolling eyes> “Seriously? If I had a dollar for every time we have had this conversation about packaging. And receipts…”

Grumpy Son <Rolling eyes and being outraged at global unfairness> “I had to shred that stupid plastic case to get it open.  No way they could resell it, so what’s the point?”

Dad: “Just go get the packaging, whatever shape it’s in.  They can send it back to the supplier for a refund.  Just say the headphones are not ‘fit for purpose’ (because they suck). They will give you your money back. Trust me on this. I am Yoda.  Make that, Yoda, I am.”

Grumpy Son: <Gives Dad a look that says, I Am A World-Travelling Professional Musician. Do NOT Talk Down To Me.

But he actually says nothing, because deep down, he knows we have had the keep-your-receipts-and-the-packaging-DAMMIT discussion about 10,000 times since he was old enough to buy his first Pokeman.

(Note: while Grumpy Son is insanely gifted musically, he is a slow learner when it comes to retail … and most things involving money)

10 Minutes Later…

Happy Son comes bouncing up holding new headphones.

Happy Son:  <Wearing an in your face, Dad! expression> “I didn’t dig out the packaging from the rubbish.  It had all sorts of stuff on it, like food and probably syringes. But the Indian Lady took back the headphones without the packaging. <Giving Dad the so there look>

Happy Son: “And I got some ever better headphones”. <flashing the so there look and throwing in a nanner nanner nanner look for good measure because he is being all mature>.

Dad:  “So, how much did the crappy headphones you returned cost?”

Happy Son: “Twenty-four dollars.”

Dad: “And how much did the new headphones cost?”

Happy Son: “One hundred and twenty dollars.  They sound great and they fit all Eli criteria:  They don’t smoosh my glasses, and there is only one wire,” which is plugged into an iPod that is beaming all kinds of moozaks directly into his brain.

Dad: “So, the Indian lady just made another $100 of my half-Chinese son.  You are such a clever boy.”

Dad: “I would bet anything that, by this time tomorrow, you will have decided that you hate these headphones for some arcane uber-musical reason. So, based on our most recent Father-and-Son conversation, I am almost certain that you kept your receipt and the packaging … even though I do not see either.”

Happy Musical Son: <speaking intentionally loud>  “They’re noise cancelling… Can’t hear a thing you’re saying… It’s all about the bass…”

And the All Grown Up Son happily boogies away.  In his own little musical world.  As per always.


2 Responses to “Hellooooo Grown Up Musician Son, Let’s Talk Retail”

  1. Lillian L.. says:

    Give him credit for being consistent. giggeling

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