Tweet Selection from February. Follow me and win a free *Unicorn!
# Taupo is about 800 years overdue for another huge volcanic eruption. This fact will be worth worrying about for the next three days or so while I am there…
# Speaking of kiwi accents… Seen thees? Stull kulls me.
# My dad drank beer with James Bumgarner in Norman. Before he went to Hollywood and dropped his bum. Let me rephrase that…
# Miss campfires. Thunderstorms. Dr Pepper. Meskin Food. And blowing up stuff. Things that made America great.
# Piers Morgan: Kate Moss a ‘vile little creature’. “I know, I hacked her phone messages”
# We are ONLY linking here because this a matter of men’s health. Not because it is about the 100 hottest women ever.
# We suspect that “Kaiser” the alleged cat is either an aluminum robot or a silky terrier in a catsuit. Dog still rule.
#Found a new dead rat. At least hope it was a new dead rat. Else the one w/out its head is a ZombieRat. Not good…
#If you ate 2 breakfasts for reasons that we shall not go into are you allowed to eat lunch? I’m thinking YES as long as you have lite beer.
# Just when you think you would have to be twins to dislike Oprah more, she proves even more dislikable…
# AIAIIEIEEEEE! 24 hours after reading @prettyalltrue about wild girl chillens running amok, I am still dying. READ!
# If you are about to have a colonoscopy or eat a chicken heart, you really really should go to the blog today.
# Everyone should have to sit around a campfire after dinner. Campfires are the great levelers of the world.
# Do you miss Tim Conway? I highly recommend Nos. 3 and 8. Har.
# Shock Poll: Old Coke 63%, Obama 37%
# I just unlocked my back door. Do I get a badge?
# You know those people who come to the front gate filled with joy, wearing ID tag & carrying a clipboard? The old Moosedawg still loves them
# Dude, I need me one of them psychodelic Aussie toads. For the Moosedawg. Why else would I want one?
# So what you’re saying is Osama bin Laden was glad to see the Navy SEALs? Yep, I can see that.
# Achievements have been few & far between today. Unless you count not being in the backyard & getting killed by the huge falling palm frond.
# You know what they say about empty nests? I don’t either, so I will just say this: “sucks”.
# The killer Buick palm frond is still resting on the clothes line. A sure sign from above I’m NOT to do laundry in Lent
# The spirit of Marvin Zindler will live as long as there is a single slimey, Motel 6 ice machine!
# The Ides of March is not all bad because some people have birthdays on the 15th. There is a DONATE button on blogs for these occasions. (note: especially since we could die in a volcanic explosion in Taupo.)
# If a #solarflare really wanted to get our attention, it should have a sizzlingly close encounter with #bacon.
# Solarflares should also roast cats if they wanted my support.
# Not many writing mentors have had a beaver blow up in their face. Let me rephrase that…
# Just in case you need some #Funkosaurus to help you recover from #SuperTuesday. Original #jazz by No. 1 son Eli.
# Oreos are celebrating their 100th birthday. Lone Star Beer is 128 years old. Sometimes old is good…
# The Crack Puppy is having a ball playing catch with a grape. And this is BEFORE I give her the meds… Sooooo Cuuuuute.
# You in need of wisdom and joy? An unbearably catchy tune? Get thee to the Bear Necessities of Life. Take it, Baloo!
# OK, I’m happy to drop #RushLimbaugh into the sea if Dems will drop one of their uber radical Lefty broadcasters. This would be a good trend.
# Coffee is just not enough today. Could I order a shot of adrenaline? With lime, thanks.
# Why can’t some smart Texas entrepreneur put a wind farm in front of Cowboys Owner/GM/Maroon Jerry Jones mouth?
# Why hasn’t someone come up with bacon-flavoured wine? To drink with bacon-flavored chips? And actual bacon? Huge gap in the marketplace.
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