Lenten Plagiarism

It’s still Lent.

Unable to think up anything funny at the moment, I’ve decided to steal brilliance … from two saints, my favorite Catholic writer G.K., a chap named Einstein, and a mate.

Shut up.

“If this is how you treat your friends, no wonder you have so many enemies.”

St. Teresa of Avila, after being bucked off her horse into a river on the way to visit one of her monasteries.

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–“Grant me chastity and self-control, but please not yet.”

St. Augustine

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“Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.”

“Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.”

“A new philosophy generally means in practice the praise of some old vice.”

“It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.”

“Just going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.”

“Do not be so open-minded that your brains fall out.”

“I’ve searched all the parks in all the cities and found no statues of committees.”

“If there were no God, there would be no atheists.”

“The Catholic Church is like a thick steak, a glass of red wine, and a good cigar.”

“The most incredible thing about miracles is that they happen.”

“Catholics know the two or three transcendental truths on which they do agree; and take rather a pleasure in disagreeing on everything else.”

G.K. Chesterton

“Look at the eyebrows. They mean that infernal pride which made Satan so proud that he sneered even at heaven when he was one of the first angels in it. Look at his moustaches, they are so grown as to insult humanity. In the name of the sacred heavens look at his hair. In the name of God and the stars, look at his hat.”

G.K. Chesterton from The Club of Queer Trades

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“I desire to know how God created the world. I am not interested in this or that other phenomenon, nor in the spectre of a chemical element. I wish to know God’s thoughts – the rest is detail.”

Albert Einstein

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“Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, ‘Why the long face?'”

–Mark Shea, Catholic writer, speaker and incorrigible punster.

Remember to go here for free Hog Tweets at HogsAteMySister.

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