New Zealand’s 10 key points for White House Visit

NZ Prime Minister John Key to President Obama and all Americans:

1. For the 10,000th time we are NOT part of Australia.

2. Our penguin is fine, and we’re thrilled you Americans love him. (Sorry about the poll, Mr. President).

3. NZers are NOT racists. Our rugby team is called the All Blacks because of their black jerseys, not because they are in the NBA or anything.

4. “Ant-tip-oh-dees“. It’s a real word. We’re waaaaaaay down under.

5. Do the names Ed Hillary, Richard Pearse and Ernest Rutherford mean anything to you Yanks??? Open a bloody history book, mate!

6. It’s true that New Zealanders are as similar to Australians as Americans are to Canadians.

7. Our tasty national dish is fush’n’chups. It’s totally safe to eat. (Ignore the stupid Heart Foundation’s graffiti).

8. We’re a “Hobbitocracy” and this is our leader. Cute, eh?

9. Nu Zillan — sorry, New Zealand for you Yanks — is proudly hosting the Rugby World Cup this year, which is bigger than the Super Bowl! We’ve spent heaps on a range of beaut new facilities, and you’re invited.

10. Our national symbol isn’t the sheep, it’s the kiwi! (We’re a bit sensitive about that. And getting mistaken for bloody Australians. Crikey!)

Personal note from Sir Peter Jackson: “Thanks, we know Nzed is the most beautiful country on earth. Come visit and I’ll shout you a beer. Cheers.”

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4 Responses to “New Zealand’s 10 key points for White House Visit”

  1. Kris says:

    OK, I had heard that New Zealanders have a hard time controlling themselves around sheep.

    But now you tell me it’s a kiwi they crave?

    How does that work, exactly?

    And how does shoe polish come into play?

    It is hard for me to believe that Australia allows you to behave this way.

    What with NZ being a province and all.

    • hams says:

      The Aussies love to make fun of little ol’ Nu Zillan. But they come over here in droves. And they love our sheep. Wink.

  2. J-P says:

    I’m ready to check it out!!!!

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