We’ve enjoyed lighting Bolts, Dong Dongs and Lady Volleyballers in bikini bottoms at the London Olympics, and our share of ski bunnies, Putin, and pink-eyed Bob Costas in Sochi.
Now we must focus on the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro (which translates literally to, “Whoa, did you see the medals on THAT?”).
Our first suggestion is both practical and historical.
Because of global warming and the fact that Rio is a very hot and humid place, and with a nod to the ancient Greek Games, we suggest that nudity be brought back to the Rio Games.
Not so much universal nudity, because that would lead to ridiculous complaints of voyeurism, plus we would barf if we saw those 350-pound shot putters au naturel.
To ensure that we get it right, and because this blog has always been a billion percent about moderation, we think a moderate and tasteful pilot program of nude athletics should be introduced in 2016.
We were thinking, a lot, about who should be in the pilot, so we randomly chose the entire female Brazilian contingent, in addition to the New Zealand women’s hockey team (the Black Sticks).
We make no apologies about this random selection, and the blog’s decision is final.
To make sure that any “kinks” in this pilot plan have been worked out long before the Games are broadcast live to the world, there should be a carefully managed build up.
We offer our back yard, because we are totally about fostering the Olympic Spirit.
We will even make a personal commitment to getting the camera angles exactly right, working round-the-clock from our balcony, at least when the GM Finance is away at school. (She’s not really into sports.)
Our efforts to return 100% authenticity to the Olympics (except for naked shot putters, because, garf), will include intense lobbying to ban all the stupid so-called sports that have been introduced lately, like:
- Nordic Combined Curling. Boom. Gone.
- BMX bicycle racing. Boom. Gone
- Beach volleyball. Boom. Gone.
Well, just the men’s.
Because, heh, even though we are an Olympics Purist, we are not stupid.
We also plan to reintroduce key sports that date all the way back to the original Greek Olympics but which, for some unexplained reason, were dropped over the centuries.
Sports that include:
- Samba Pole Dancing
- Tag Team Mud Wrestling
- Synchronized Brazilian Booty Racing
- Refrigerator carrying, throwing and punching
- Beer chugging and hot dog eating
- Dropping bowling balls onto cars from low-flying fixed wing aircraft (exactly like it was done in the Acropolis.)
By beginning NOW, we can have the Olympic Games Program totally whipped into shape by the time the Rio Olympics get here in 2016.
Especially the Synchronized Brazilian Booty Racers practicing in my back yard.
I can already feel the Olympic Spirit!