Scattershooting while wondering whatever happened to Blackie Sherrod…
Judging by media reports, it would seem that the end of the world is near. Thousands of people are trapped at airports and could starve or spontaneously combust at any moment. Here’s a thought. If you plan on flying over Christmas, when there are blizzards, and ongoing terrorist threats, you probably should pack extra Depends and Valium. Or, heaven forbid, stay home.
A gunman wearing a Hillary Clinton mask robbed Wachovia bank in Sterling, Va. Bill Clinton and Treasury Secretary Geithner are helping police in their inquiries. Both are said to be short of cash and had access to Hillary-related items.
A few years ago, movie-goers decided that Tom Cruise was major league weird, so weird that they didn’t really want him having access to their money, so they stopped going to his movies. Wonders whether the same is now true of Angelina Jolie. People are NOT going to see her latest movie in droves. Must be time to adopt more chillens.
Quarterback Brett Favre is expected to start the Vikings’ season finale against Detroit if he is healthy. Considering he is concussed, has three broken hands, a collapsed lung, heart failure, leukemia, swine flu, an adverse reaction to Viagra and gunshot wounds to his head, sources say “he’s in fairly good shape for the end of a season.” Las Vegas bookies are paying 7-1 that Favre will start Sunday, retire Monday, die Tuesday and be resurrected two weeks before the start of the 2011 season.
Al Gore this week had to cancel a media conference where he planned to announce the world’s snow and ice was rapidly vanishing due to global warming. He was snowed in at JFK airport and suffering from Hypothermia.
Dallas Cowboys owner and General Manager Jerry Jones has announced that he plans to negotiate with the Brett Favre estate and could pay up to $10 billion for the reincarnated Favre. Jones believes Favre could help the Cowboys as either a back-up to Tony Romo, a Jedi Knight or possibly “the entire offensive line.”
A woman who protested TSA’s intrusive pat downs and cavity searches has been banned from flying or from receiving any future gynecological exams. “This has nothing to do with revenge or being mean-spirited. It’s solely about Obamacare and keeping America safe,” says Big Sis. “And maybe a little bitch-slapping.”
MOSCOW — The emergence of artificial intelligence is to transform the Internet industry and social networking over the next decade, Russia’s leading web tycoon said in an interview on Tuesday. “In the future, when you are on a date, you won’t really know whether you are with a real woman or a laptop.”
This just in. Brett Favre died today when all major internal organs and joints “sort of exploded and fell right out on the floor,” according to Vikings doctors. He is still expected to start against Detroit.
Blackie, we miss you.
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