Clomp. Clomp. Clomp.
Here they come — herds of lady lawyers.
Clomping down Auckland’s sidewalk, louder than Clydesdales.
Angry and in a hurry.
Struggling uphill and downhill.
Lugging fat briefcases and ring binders.
All while precariously balanced on designer stilettos.
Now, even before I blew out an ankle in high school, I could never have done that.
Clomping around, carrying 20 or 30 pounds of stuff, while balancing on stilettos?
Nope, I could not have done it. (Not that I was so inclined, to wear stilettos, mind you.)
The laws of physics did then, and do now, prove that walking for more than three steps in stilettos is impossible.
Especially in the bumpy Auckland CBD.
Which raises the obvious question: how do all these lady lawyers do it?
Luckily, I’ve done some research.
I can confirm that the clomping, pinstriped lady lawyers are mainly in their 30s.
They all seem to go to the gym to stay aerobically fit.
Except for the one I saw who was probably in her 30s when Mick Jagger was in his 30s.
Which begs another question.
Does Mick Jagger still wear stilettos when David Bowie is in town?
No, the biggest question — even bigger than the how — is this:
Why do intelligent, highly skilled lady lawyers wear these expensive, uncomfortable, designer shoes to work?
I mean, even on a good day, working in law is a bastard, right?
High stress. Backstabbing associates. Greedy partners. Unreasonable clients. Unforgiving judges.
So why, on top of all that, in this era of equal rights, do hundreds of lawyerly ladies get all stiletto’d up for work?
I just don’t think that anyone in her right mind would walk to work, right through downtown, wearing stilettos.
The only exception would be for professional ladies who charge $500 an hour for services that may involve lawyers but are not “technically” practicing law.
If you catch our drift.
No, I just do not think briefcase-carrying, pinstripe-wearing lady lawyers need to wear stilettos.
Especially in court.
I mean, you never saw Perry Mason in stilettos.
Or Denny Crane.
And it never damaged their legal careers, did it?
Anyway, this whole thing was really bothering me.
So I plucked up my courage to ask an expert, a twenty-something lady lawyer clomping her way to the top.
I chose her because a) she is the daughter of a friend of mine and b) he will cut her out of the Will if she plants a Stiletto in my forehead.
Her honest answer shocked me, and I quote:
“We wear them because they look good.”
“We like how our legs look in them.”
“We don’t care what men think.”
“And we don’t care if they cripple us. Haha.”
So there you have it.
No wonder the legal system is in the shape it’s in.