That Moment When…

 

Those Fatherly/Old Man/Okie moments when…

… You are informed that there was really no need to buy the expensive microphone stand to replace the one Junior lost, because at his birthday party he is reminded by a friend that the missing mic stand has been at his house for months…

… The sun is shining just right through the bathroom window to illuminate the white, three-quarter-inch Old Man Hair that has been growing out of your ear hole for who knows how long…

… Junior advises that the new Thor movie is now screening in Nu Zillans and you can go see it in approximately an hour, which rekindles the decades long Father & Son tradition and rebalances the universe…

… You do a good deed by taking the bichon to a friend’s house for dinner so the original “Mom and Dad” can see their dog, and when you get home you realize the dog has brought back a flea so you have to flea bomb your whole damn house…

… Despite your best intentions, and against your will, you find yourself caring about the Dallas Cowboys, which of course, makes you want to drive a bulldozer over Jerry Jones’ big, fat head…

… You take your car to the repair shop to see what it would cost to get rid of all the Old Man Dings (which you have been blaming on the Chinese Missus), you strike up a conversation with an old guy who, like you, has one hand, and who happens to be the owner’s Dad, so you get all the Old Man Dings repaired for free and right then…

… You realize that your hand has countless little cuts because, for the 10,000th time, you went up on the roof to quickly clean out the gutters, but you forgot to wear a leather glove, so the roof tin sliced and dice your hand like a Vege-Matic…

… You realize that you can buy plain old filter coffees at the mall coffee shop, and they count toward a free expensive coffee as part of their frequent drinker program…

… After three tries, you give up finding a pair of white socks without a hold in the heel…

… It becomes clear that the only way your home office is ever going to be tidy is if you hire an arsonist and rebuild…

… A friend, who happens to be the greatest living unpublished writer in the universe, has decided that she might be willing to accept the new economic model and self-publish, because, despite the fact that poo-ball publishers don’t care about her, she is a a great writer whose words must be written and read…

… The plague of notes which you hoped had run their course are back with a vengeance because you left the bathroom heater on AND forgot to turn off the outside light. Bugger…

…You break down and buy the $50-on-sale-for-$25 headphones to use with your digital recorder that you use for interviews only to find that there was a better pair of Headphones in another shop at the other end of the mall for $12…

… A friend of your son’s brings potato salad to his birthday party, and it is so good that it takes you right back home to Oklahoma…

… You realize that trying to take that horse vitamin using only spit to wash it down was a really bad idea and it feels like there is a baseball stuck in your trachea…

 

 




2 Responses to “That Moment When…”

  1. hams says:

    I know talent when I see it oh woman of magic and madness.

  2. Kris says:

    Sniff. Love you, man of too much faith.

    You make me laugh, always.

    Me

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