Top 10 Hogs Blogs For 2014!

 

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How can you choose which of your children are your favorites, because you love them all?

Blogs are like that.

But here are my Top 10 Hogs Blogs for 2014, in no particular order, except the first one, which probably was my favorite.

1. My Grampa’s Hat 

Gramps looked especially cool when he was wearing his hat and tooling down Berry Road in his ’57 Chevy with the awesome fins.  Man, that car was to die for.

2. Wacker’s Beats Walmart All to Heck

The world was a better place when Wacker’s, not Walmart, was the place to buy cheap stuff.

3. Deranged Old Man Eyebrows

“You’ve been cutting your eyebrows again, haven’t you?” Says the Missus. In that tone that your Mother used to use.

So I man up and give my answer.  “No, I have not.”

4. Moms Make it Better 

I need my Mommy. It doesn’t matter than I am 58 years old. Or that Mom went to God in 1996.

What matters is I have been down with lung gunk for three weeks now, and I need my Mommy.

5. Does This Shell Make My Turtle Butt Look Big? 

(Photos from my recent Okie ‘Merican vacation)

This is *Jack (above photo).  Don’t hate him even though his butt has gotten so HUGE that he can’t properly close his shell, which must be a major embarrassment when lady turtles walk s-l-o-w-l-y by.  Never fear, my niece the Vet Tech, has Jack on a diet of what we assume must be low-cal lettuce.

6. This Never Happened

But if it did happen.  Which it did not.  The niece who allegedly provided emergency advice on how to remove carbonized hamburger from the bottom of the Missus’ dainty little cooking pot thing would be back in the Will, big time.

For the sake of this blog, we will pretend that it really did happen, once upon a time, when the Missus and her sister were away for three days last week. Three. Whole. Days.

7. It’s What You Do

Of all the things that I cannot believe — starting with how it’s possible to send this blog around the world using electricity — the thing I cannot believe the most is that I will attend my 40th high school reunion in two weeks.

That means it’s been four decades since I was a senior at Norman High School in 1974.  And I’ve never been back for a reunion.  Not even once.

8. Babies Should NOT Be Born in Embassy Suites

Twenty-five years ago, I was sitting in a maternity “hospital” in Alexandria, Virginia, waiting for the missus to deliver our son, Eli.  I actually thought we were in an examination room, because it looked like an Embassy Suite.

I was sitting on a plush couch, talking on the phone to the insurance company, as required, when the baby doctor looked at me and said all nonchalant-like: “We’re ready to have the baby.  You want to join us?”

9.  Sweetwater Rattlesnake Roundup — Crazy Bubbas, Cooters and a Bazillion Angry Snakes

There are two kinds of people in the world.

There are people like me, who say the only good snake is a dead snake; one that has been repeatedly shot or chopped-up with a shovel, bitten by the dog, dropped into the burn barrel with long tongs, and then covered with diesel and “insnakerated.

10. There Was — And Is — Nobody Like Betty Pat Gatliff! 

When I was little, I’d see Betty Pat every Christmas Eve at Aunt Mackie’s.  I have no idea how she fit into our family. As far as I know, she wasn’t actually kin, but she was like a celebrity or something.

Most Christmas Eves, Betty Pat would arrive fashionably late and create such a stir. She and I would be the only (cool) people dressed in Cowboy gear.

Bruce Bonus.

I checked a big one off the bucket list last night when Bruce Springsteen and I finally got together at Mt. Smart Stadium. Words almost fail me, because it meant so much, and because it almost did not happen.

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If you had different favorites, feel free to add in the comments section.  

Happy New Year to all ya’ll!

 

 




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