Top 10 Reasons to Kiss a Pig. Or a Hog. We are not picky.

Haven’t had so much fun since the hogs ate my sister? It must be true because it says that up above. Why then, have there been NO blog posts about hogs or pigs, readers have asked. And for these readers, today is for you.

1. You’d think kissing a hog would be all gross. Not always.

2. Everyone from Oklahoma has kissed a pig, which prompted Listerine to put this on their warning label: “Listerine kills germs that can cause bad breath (offer void in Oklahoma).

3. Kissing a pig? Yuck! That could never be sexy. Dumb city folks…

Key Lyrics:

I kissed a pig and I liked it,
The taste of those hairy pig lips
I kissed a pig just to try it
I hope farmer Jim don’t mind it

4. Could a hog actually eat your sister? Ugh, you city slickers and your dumb ol’ questions. Arkansas razorbacks are especially dangerous.

5. Is this blog weightist; do you have something against full figure women? Absolutey not. We have the utmost respect for women who could squash us with one thigh tied behind their back.

6. Are German Shepherds the smartest dogs in the universe? Yes. And no. My childhood dog, Champ, knew about 100 verbal and hand commands. But when we went to a friend’s farm, Champ wanted to go eat up a 600-pound white hog, who was so big and mean that he had to be held in a cage welded out of drilling pipe. Dumb city dog.

7) Can a hog be bigger than, oh, I don’t know, Lulu from Hee-Haw? You be the judge. Giant Pig. Lulu.

8. Is Hollywood anti-pig? Why else would this epic film have to be made offshore?

9. Is it true that stardom can ruin a small town pig with a heart of gold? You be the judge.

10. Could you possibly end this blog post with a joke about a pig with a wooden leg? Why yes. Yes we can.

Bonus:

— Can Sarah Palin actually win the presidency? Absolutely, when….

Remember to go here for Hog Tweets.




10 Responses to “Top 10 Reasons to Kiss a Pig. Or a Hog. We are not picky.”

  1. J-P says:

    Was really expecting an Arkansas joke somewhere in this post – just FYI

    • hams says:

      Through the magic of the interwebz time machine, who knows might happen… Much later… I cannot believe how hard it was to find a Hog Hat photo… What is the world coming to???

  2. malm says:

    And btw……..of all the hot women that used to be on Hee Haw, you choose…. Nevermind.

    Yours,
    Malm

  3. malm says:

    Yes, of course I realize that Arnold was a pig……not a hog. You think I’m not sensitive to that?

    Regards,
    Malm

  4. malm says:

    Didn’t Lisa Douglas and Arnold Ziffel (Green Acres) have a kiss on the air numerous times? Should it bother me that I remember things such as this? Is it Christmas down there, or do you have to wait until next summer?

    Malm

    • hams says:

      Eva Gabor. Tractors. Arnold Ziffel. This must be a foreshadowing of Heaven.

      And just because YOU kissed Arnold Ziffel does not mean you are pig-gay, not that there would be anything wrong with that.

  5. kris says:

    I am a big fan of Miss Piggy.

    She is all weighty in her wisdom.

    Like this quote . . .

    “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may become necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”

    Pigs rule!

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