(The following Q&A is being brought to you as a public service, and because some blog guru with the personality of kelp said Q&A’s were just HUGE when it comes to driving traffic and making Google your bitch.)
Q: If LeBron James were 5-4 inches tall like the blog, would the blog be able to take his lunch money and make him cry like a little girl?
A: Totally. And shove that stupid headband where the sun don’t shine. Even in Miami.
Q: Is Hillary Clinton preparing to run for president in 2016 with daughter Billary, or whatever her name is, as vice-president?
A: Yes, but it’s secret, because for Hillary to create this ticket, she will actually have to kill Bill. And even then, keeping him out of the White House will require the Secret Service to hire 10,000 zombie hunters.
Q: Did one of the two largest New Zealand broadcasters go into receivership today because the previous owners paid about nine hundred gazillion billion schlamillion dollars too much a couple of years ago, and what will the impact be on HogsAteMySister?
A: Yes and we don’t know. New Zealanders have been assured that X Factor New Zealand (a crime against humanity) and The GC (think Kardashians and Himbos on the Aussie Gold Coast) will continue to spew on the airwaves. But there has been no public comment about HOGSPEW. So we will just have to wait. And possibly turn on the TV news. Although that seems pretty drastic.
Q: Are you sick to death of people in America making Facebook comments about eating TexMex and putting up photos of them BBQ’ing huge pieces of tender, mouth-watering cow?
A: Yes, and we may have leaked information to the GSA linking them to Edward Snowden, so they should maybe get ready for tear gas and men pounding on their front doors.
Q: Are you concerned that, as you limp toward the big 6-0, that you are losing some of your manhoods, and that all of your X, Y and Z Chromosomes have leaked out all over the floor?
A: We’re supposed to have Z Chromosomes??? My lack of Z’s may be why we actually watched and liked Les Misérables on the weekend, and that, today, we had to wear the “joke” undies because all the Jockeys were in the laundry, and we sort of liked it.
Q: Has the Tom Cruise Danger Mouse that’s been running rogue in your house enjoyed the little green deadly poison bombs of exploding-but-humane death?
A. We have no idea what you are talking about. But we did see a mouse-sized Last Will and Testament under the kitchen table. Heeheehee.
Q: Even though you won two free tickets to see The Internship starring Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, are you really going to go see a movie that scored 34% on the Rotten Tomatometer? Really?
A: We learned long ago as a reporter that “if it’s free, it’s good.” So the answer is yes. But we will be wearing a wig and a big, fake nose, which means we will look exactly like Owen’s Mini-Me.
Q: Is it true that Dallas Cowboys owner, and legend, Jerry Jones planned to give quarterback Tony Romo a $900 trillion contract and then sign Tim Tebow to give Tony a little competition and a total Mark Sanchez brain fart?
Q: Does it trouble you that the two most popular posts on this alleged humor blog for months have been about the Lake Waco Triple Murders and the satirical 10 Ugly Mistakes That Women Make That Ruin Any Chance of a Relationship?
A: No, but that explains Fox News.
Q: Did we just make ourselves laugh aloud with the finale Q&A that will go down in the annals of humor as an all-timer, and then forget it when putting all the Q&A’s in bold?
A: Shut up…
Q: Did you just remember it again?
Q: The greatest boffo funny ending of all time?
A: Yes indeedy. This ending features two links to the funniest images on the entire internets, finally making Google our bitch. Let the beeg monies begin to pour in.
Q: And do you plan to share these links with us?