There is a scurrilous rumor spreading across the internets that I am a technological Luddite.
The fact that I spread that rumor is beside the point.
The truth is, I am a freaking whiz when it comes to technologies.
Take last night.
I have been postponing editing some video clips for a client because a) I am a word guy and b) I have no freaking idea how to do it.
But deadlines are deadlines, so I tried to use the free video editing software that came with my new Panasonic HD video camera.
And I should explain that this software is “video editing software” just as a rock “is a hammer.”
So I Googled to find the “best video editing software with a free demo”.
And my very, very good friend Rich Bonaduce at Top 10 Reviews highly recommended PowerDirector.
Which has a free 30 day demo. Woo-Hoo!
The internets told me NOT TO WORRY that it sometimes crashed if you did all kinds of whizzy video editing things.
No worries, mate, because all I needed to do was get a dozen “grabs” from five video interviews, butt-edit them and include a few Intro/Outro panels.
Easy Peasy for Mr. Technology, alias Mr. Spielberg (I answer to both).
I should have smelled a rat when I couldn’t figure out how to do ANYTHING with the “world’s fastest video editing software”.
And when I went to You Tube for tutorials, the one that came up was by a kid who, I’m guessing here, has pimples, no dates and a totally pimped out computer.
I know about the computer because, in Video Two, Geekboy explains that the annoying high pitch noise in the background of Video One was not because he has a whiny voice, but because of the loud fan on his uber computer.
But, giving credit where credit is do, Geekboy’s annoyingly whiny tutorial did teach me enough to get things started. Yay.
And then I actually found a real tutorial hiding in the PowerDirector website. (I keep wanting to type PowerRanger!, which should have been another warning sign).
I edited like a maniac.
So in a matter of about 5 hours, I had grabbed all my clips and was ready to celebrate with a glass of wine and a finished video.
Woot for Mr. Spielberg!
Except that when I tried to “produce” the video, my computer crashed.
Now, I don’t mean it shuddered and gave me the Blue Screen of Death, compliments of Mr. Bill Gates.
No, the editing program just disappeared. Poof. Like a special effect.
In its place was a shiny marketing page with whizzy images and a box asking me if I wanted to comment?
Why, yes, yes, I did want to comment, after losing five hours of work.
And, worse, after drawing a steaming, hot “stew in your own misery juices” bath, I discovered there was NO WINE IN THE HOUSE!
It is at times like these that I see the wisdom of New Zealand’s strict gun laws.
So why, you may ask, am I blogging away instead of trying to be a PowerRanger, sorry, PowerDirector, fully leveraging the awesomeness of a program that “perfects every step in video production from importing, editing, rendering and production.”
There would be three reasons for that.
1) This is what I feel like doing to my computer
2) I am going to take the night off and eat pseudo-Meskin food with Acting Man (my son, Jackie Chan)
3) Then go video his final rehearsal of How She Flew to the Moon — The Story of Change Er.
Because I am totally awesome at eating Meskin food and videoing (which is why many people call me Senior Spielberg).
It’s just that getting videos OUT of the camera and the computer and INTO a useful format where my technological Ludditeness seems to flare up.